My STory...

have been listening to few songs over and over again since 10pm, and now is 12am.. my mind seem like too lazy to think..anything at all..
Why i came back here?? writing nonsense..
feel like want to write something..
feel like to note down the feeling right now..
although it is not very special feeling..

its kind of sinful feeling...
dont want the dark sky now to get bright..
want to be right here right now remembering this feeling..
it is sinful that i have this thougtht..
just hope the time can stop..even for awhile.
the past kept reflecting inside my mind..
it is not bitter..it is not sweet.. neither they are..
its just a memory that i had..
it kind of bless that i have memory..
for no reasons as well..
sometimes feel like going backward instead of forward..
the past..i know what i would have encountered..
the future.. i dontlike uncertainty..
dont you?

since small..
was living with grandparents..
their love for me is overflowing..
but i know i never turn bad..
it just make me matured earlier than any of my others fellow friends..
i told myself i would want to care for them when i am capable of..
i was only 9 when i have this thought..

after that..
lived with parents..
left grandparents..
felt sad..few times i want to go back to my childhood life so that i can stay with thm..
no miracle..
parents love for me never less though..

grandmother pass away..
i cried at once..
rush back from here..
see her in her coffin..
no last meeting on her last breath..
dint cried at all..
cried silently myself..
each time i remembered..
cant bear the pain she gone throught..
she gave up..
and i feel the pain..
overcame it..but will miss her..
left grandpa alone..
spent more time go back and see him..
granndpa loves me more than ever..
i knew that even thought he dint show it..
i love him as well..
i miss her, him.
parents are still healthy..
no much worries..
but grandpa gradually getting old..

still remember the 1st time i can ever remembered grandpa face..
he is young and his face glows..
sunshine and pretty..
but he is getting old..the black hair he once had..now have turn into white..


here i am..
missing him..