生活 不容易

长了这么大
到现在才知道真正的苦是怎么一回事了
岁月也渐渐接近二头了
时光很快的流失
成长过程中 我 学习了很多事
体会到很多 愉快 伤心 该做的 不该做的
通通的经历过



没钱的苦难 苦涩
感情的复杂 烦恼
世面的虚假 丑陋
亲情的疏远 争执
友情的背叛 虚伪

一切的一切都让人们渐渐的成长
而我也不例外


相反的


有钱的滋味 很愉快
感情的美好 很甜蜜
世界的热心 很温暖
亲情的爱护 很温馨
友谊的忠诚 很踏实


能够生存在这个世界上是多么的幸运
能体会到届时的 喜怒哀乐 是很庆幸
能够拥有 所有的

渺小的自己

当自己觉得好渺小的时候。。
那么应该怎么办呢？

常常。。
都会很努力的让自己很勇敢。。

努力的让自己坚强起来。。
不让任何人看出自己的软弱。。

努力的让自己钻入人群中。。
然而却狠狠地被挤出来。。

努力。。。不断的努力。。
最终还是累了。。

当累的时候。。
最想要的是个肩膀靠靠。。
就这样而已。。
就那么一样。。

始终
这样的依靠是难以求得
身边依然没有依靠的肩膀
就只得自己考自己

伤心时候希望有人陪
孤单时候希望有人对话
寂寞时候幻想个拥抱
开心时候想找人分享喜悦

然而
那么一个人是否有存在自得我等待吗?

*梦话！简直是梦话！
发白日梦。。
￥#%……￥·#·#

what about writing this little site of mine??

really...
what about this??
what about im writing this blog anyway??
i really juz trying to get a closer look at my own writing and my own feeling...
i really telling you now that am not really sure of myself....

i have not muc best frens..
i duno how to consider them are my frens either..
like im not important..whether or not i appear it doesnt mind them at all..
maybe its my own litlle heart simplt think stuffs and things..
.and maybe...just maybe,.. to them im really that kinfd of person...yet...
to me..
it seems like that..

i has always wondering..it is me the only one who always feels like tht.??
do i so dunno how to make friends??
yea..
i admit im not humourous..
im not adorable..
noisy..
blablabla..
i dunno why am so DONOT LIKE MY OWNSELF either..

always think myself is the most pities mankind in this whole world..
never even satisfy with my own ability...never satisfy with whatever i have got up until now..

always think myself is the most uncomplete girl
in a nutshell..
i never see the correct and perfect way to live my own life..

yet..i love my family.
will try myself to love myself ..all in all..
itis just a mankind brain which is so much complex that making me think so miuch complex things and make me someitimes cant handle it..
sometimes...

PS*
I AM JUST TALKING AROUND WHEN IM REALLY THINKING ALOT BUT THIS IS WHAT IN MY MIND BY THE TIME I AM WRIITING THIS..
I GUESS IT S ABIT "..............."..HAHAHA...

never really expect this........

never really expect this....
i met HIM again since i back to my hometown...
over here...KELANTAN.

he wished me birthday thru the sms obn the 31th dec altot my birthday is on the 30th...
yup..
the wishing came late and never tot i would really see his number appeared on the screen of my hp anymore..

yup this is really a bit shocking but yet..
i cant really say that i am not happy when i saw his call..

i was first doubted myself whether to answer it or not..but..
i really cant prohibit myself from able to hear his voice again..

so..
i answered..
he was in some kind of drunk stage..
he cant really talked properly..
what i can really caught from his words thru the phone was just
"hapi....bir..day.., am...so...rry.."..

i was affraid..
i kept thinking..was he drinking?
why wud he do so?
what has happend to him.,,,..??
so on and on...
its really frustrating and i couldnt sleep that night..
really sleepless...

the next day..
i finally managed to get answer all my puzzles..(mot really all but almost)
we talked thru phone again..
he told me he is now facing a financial problem..
and told me summore that his financial problem actually started since the time when we had argued the most..
which at last lead to the end of us.
he said he felt he is really a guy who are useless..
dint have the real abilities to protect his gf ...
no matter mentally or physically..
he told me he himself cuoldnt support himself...

actually...
u all can really guess what in my little mind by then...
jusz up until here ...
its the all i can tell..
i actually started to feel i souldnt leave him that way..
no matter how his words had hurt me b4 ..
it all already past..
moreover he was pushed by the stress...

YET...
the slsfish part of me told me that he not the one..
he is now facing this kind of problem..
he is unable to provide and give u a comfortable life..
following him till the end maybe u r the one who inturn who need to feed him..
and sometimes i told myself..
if i really love him.. i can manage tohandle such a suffer..

SHIT!!!
I DONO WHAT I AM TALKING EVEN...
i really hope i v\never met him..
cuz ..
i am really lost..