A Day with Boredom

Today is Sunday..

and sadly it is a boring Sunday, 

were finding people on Gtalk to chat with and on and on, 

what else can i do?

roomate is sleeping..

i am writing blog..

wuhhooo..

lazy to read and revise on books..

is going to have test on tuesday..

yet...

dont know what i am going to do now..

i know what am i suppose to do..

but i dont want to do, to be more specific..

where to settle myself in the "jungle"

i need not to be over care about all those things.

but a boring sunday make it worse..

wuuhoo..

Sunday, i were supposed to be at the beach, 

hearing the waves hitting the floor of the beach,

looking up into the sky seeing birds flown by, 

wearing jumpsuit sitting on the sand..

fingers moving round and round writing on the sand underneath me...

waiting for the sunset behind the mountain, 

i see through my sunscreen spectacles..

the reflection of the sun on the sea water..

gradually fades until night falls.

how nice it would be if i were to be in that environment right now..

what a SaD and Boring Sunday..

sometimes ,something could never change

yes, as the title suggests.
sometimes ,something will never change, no matter how much you want it to change...

since i was in primary school,
i was not a good friend maker,
all the kids think that i am difficult to be approached,
and yet, some of them said
im "easy" to be GOOD friend with,
given the condition that U approach me first,
whatsoever.....the point is,
 i still feel that i am unapproachable,
even until now,
i am still not the one holding the title of "Friendly"..


Its not that i dont want or dont need to have plenty of friends around me,
its just that......
im shy, im self-centered, i am not kind of person that will approach some1 without any topic,

now, right now,
i feel like am being abandoned and neglected,
nothing i did that can change the fact.,
"that there is close door into the pathway, "
no space for me to slip in anyway at all,
as i said, sometimes, something could never change...

am i a loner?
no i am not, i wish to join any1 at all in any occasion at all,
but when you are invited, there it goes,
sometimes, something could never change....

i just need to get a little bit stronger...

我喜欢

我喜欢
在没有人的地方
自己呆着

我喜欢
 在很多人的地方
嘻嘻哈哈的笑  把一切烦恼都抛在后头

我喜欢
大家对我的关心， 的爱护

我很想
回到过去找回原来的自己
那天真可爱的
无邪的
童年往事

我很想
看到不同的世界
接触不同的人物

我很想。。。。
我很想。。。。
我很想。。。。
很想。。。。。
想。。。。。。

自由自在。。

My STory...

have been listening to few songs over and over again since 10pm, and now is 12am.. my mind seem like too lazy to think..anything at all..
Why i came back here?? writing nonsense..
feel like want to write something..
feel like to note down the feeling right now..
although it is not very special feeling..

its kind of sinful feeling...
dont want the dark sky now to get bright..
want to be right here right now remembering this feeling..
it is sinful that i have this thougtht..
just hope the time can stop..even for awhile.
the past kept reflecting inside my mind..
it is not bitter..it is not sweet.. neither they are..
its just a memory that i had..
it kind of bless that i have memory..
for no reasons as well..
sometimes feel like going backward instead of forward..
the past..i know what i would have encountered..
the future.. i dontlike uncertainty..
dont you?

since small..
was living with grandparents..
their love for me is overflowing..
but i know i never turn bad..
it just make me matured earlier than any of my others fellow friends..
i told myself i would want to care for them when i am capable of..
i was only 9 when i have this thought..

after that..
lived with parents..
left grandparents..
felt sad..few times i want to go back to my childhood life so that i can stay with thm..
no miracle..
parents love for me never less though..

grandmother pass away..
i cried at once..
rush back from here..
see her in her coffin..
no last meeting on her last breath..
dint cried at all..
cried silently myself..
each time i remembered..
cant bear the pain she gone throught..
she gave up..
and i feel the pain..
overcame it..but will miss her..
left grandpa alone..
spent more time go back and see him..
granndpa loves me more than ever..
i knew that even thought he dint show it..
i love him as well..
i miss her, him.
parents are still healthy..
no much worries..
but grandpa gradually getting old..

still remember the 1st time i can ever remembered grandpa face..
he is young and his face glows..
sunshine and pretty..
but he is getting old..the black hair he once had..now have turn into white..


here i am..
missing him..

i was....is.....bored....

really bored...

i alwaz get pressured when there are people around who is not treating me nice...
nvrmind whether he or she the person who i closed with or just anybody am ever came across with..
i realy really never intend to make anyone angry or anyone to feel uncomfortable with me..
i just want to be friend..
y it is that so diffcult sometimes??
that is really annoying....

was not able to sleep..
alot in my little mind..
am i the only one who think do much
never really tell any1 about 1 thing..
miss family...
miss my sis.
miss mom..
miss dad..
miss akong..
miss ama..
hope ama is fine up there..
cannot bear anymore..
i think i have buedened some1 alot..
i dont want to be the burden..
i cannt be the burden..but ..y do i become 1?
i doesnt deserve the care..

how can i sleep?

how can i sleep?
how do i sleep?
what should i do to sleep?
what can i do to make me sleep?
what else can i ask to make me sleep?
in this time and moment..all i think is you..